Venus Prime Book 1 by Paul Preuss

As I sit down to write this review, the first question that comes to mind is: "why does this book exist?"  That's not an encouraging start to the review, and may give a hint or two to my general impression. I'd also like to mention that it's the first of something like five books, and despite the fact that I got all of them in a Humble Bundle, this is the one I'll be finishing with. I've seen the tricks, I'm not impressed, I'm done.

But it sounds like this book had a weird genesis, and I probably should investigate a bit more, but at a certain point, a book has to stand on its own merits. The full title of this is Arthur C. Clarke's Venus Prime, but it is notably not by Arthur C. Clarke, and it sounds like the author got permission from Clarke or his estate (not sure if this was before or after he died) to write a series of books around a bunch of Clarke short stories, trying to tie them together into a harmonious whole.

There's a large portion of me that wonders why the fuck, other than wanting Clarke's name on the cover to sell more books than a previously unknown author. But most authors want to find their own voice. I have very occasionally seen established authors writing in another author's fictional universe and doing it well. But far more often it seems like a marketing ploy rather than an artistic choice.

That's certainly the case here - the story doesn't hang together well, the pacing is spotty and strange, as we jump from what are probably the gaps between one story and the next, and maybe that would make more sense if you knew everything Clarke had ever written, and I tend to find Clarke more sterile than engrossing, so I don't.

But oh, the characters are so bad. The dialogue is often so bad. Their motivations are poorly sketched out, the attempts for depth almost laughable.

And speaking of laughable, you all know about my little collection of terrible sex writing in science fiction, right? I would like to humbly submit this entry to the hall of fame:

"God, that shelf, those majestic flanks, those vibrant calves"

In Venus Prime, this is how one female character lover assessed her female lover. I canvassed the lesbians I knew, the other queer people I knew, the heterosexual people I knew. Everyone has agreed that they would never use those words in that order when thinking about a woman.  Much less try to posit them as sexy! There were a lot of "are we talking about a horse?" comments.

Most of the writing was not quite this bad, but lord, not much of it was great. Some aspects of the story were passable, but then there'd be a weird pacing jump, or someone would do something that didn't make enough sense. The completely separate part of the story about two men trapped in a spaceship with enough air for one was by far the best part of the book, but the surrounding stuff wasn't good, and while that was the most interesting, it was also not central to the main plot.  I think? Because there are a bunch of plots here, and they're not clearly prioritized, just kinda mashed together like playdough, turning an ugly brownish-gray.

There was a woman who'd been physically and mentally modified by the government and escaped a mental institution and then infiltrated the customs agents. (...oh-kay?) There was a woman who wanted a rare book. There was the two men trapped in the space ship. There were a few other things going on. That's as close as I can get to a synopsis.

And a final thought: NEVER refer to your girlfriend's flanks. Please? For me?